Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Things to come
Consider this a note to myself...WRITE ABOUT THIS WEEK. Nevermind that orientation at Wake Forest has become something of a police sting operation, but people are still supporting Michael Vick! Interesting that these folks were first telling us to look at all the facts and let Vick be innocent until proven guilty. Whoops, guilty plea. Suddenly we are singing "We Shall Overcome" and saying that Vick has found God. Sorry folks, he betrayed you, your trust, your city, and your kids. Forgiveness is fine, but lets wait for him to truly atone before we decide he could one day be a saint. Equally as bad are the assholes at PETA. You can show up at a protest with a sign with a dog fighting victim (a dog) on it, but you seemingly forget about much more important issues. Talk about a bandwagon group....Hmmm, I am bored, need to feel better about myself, cant really affect major global issues, dont want to back human interest/ murder trials, might as well supoort animals, at least they dont ask for money. Animal Rights acitvists are the lowest form of activists. Remember when activism was meant to help humans (environmental, human rights, fundraising etc...). Now people want to hunt down Colnol Sanders, not murderers, dictators, and generally bad music artists. Other questions to ask....why is the USA basketball team winning (I doubt Coach K), was Beckham overplayed, will the Yankees make the playoffs. Less relevent than the Vick case...No, such is sports. Less relative than the worries of the rest of the world issues...Yes...such is priority. SO while i fall into the category of animal rights activists, calling for parity, meaningfulness etc... within sports may be equally shallow as animal rights followers. However, always the hypocrite, I am sure that these subjects are imprtant to me, and I will continue to write about them.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Pat Forde
It is extremely easy to state that someone is "one of the good guys" in his or her profession. You may not even know them, but a smile on television or a well placed handshake can quickly elevate a coach from "just on of the guys", to a standout amongst their peers. Let me tell you flat out...Pat Forde is "one of the good guys". In a writing business where its hard to speak with the editor of some college papers, I was surprised and excited to receive a response e-mail to a brief letter I wrote to Pat. Like most young writers, whether serious or casual, I asked for advice on entering/thriving/surviving in a profession that I knew little or nothing about (basically what I saw in a trailer for "The Devil Wears Prada", apparently its about a journalist). Instead of a glorified pat on the back, which is only slightly more valuable than no reply at all, Pat gave a me a straightforward, no frills response. Actual advice from an actual writer. This was no handshake or feigned smile, but a statement of truth about the difficulties of becoming a professional writer. Even though the advice itself was "boiler plate" as a small disclaimer stated, the beginning of the letter still took time to address me, wish my Demon Deacons luck, and say hello to a mutual friend. On a larger scale, it is easy to estimate that any number of people such as myself have written similar letters and received very similar responses. Coming from a busy journalist at ESPN, one can see the value of the advice contained within, and no I am not talking about a bluprint for similar success. So if I sound cliche please forgive me, but Pat Forde (a "homie" from Louisville) is one of the good guys, and a really good writer too...check out the link.
Monday, August 13, 2007
Not so Sweet Lou...
Last year when Lee Corso stated that Wake Forest had ZERO chance of competing with Louisville in the Orange Bowl, I had a massive brain aneurism. Watching a former U of L coach trash what was perhaps one of the better stories of the 2006-2007 College Football Season was painful on so many levels. The words "biased", "short-sighted", and "codger" all came to mind. As if he was riding the Jim Rome train to meaningless ville, Corso single handedly made me hate him for about 2 weeks, but all was forgotten at the end of the season, as I looked forward to playing a new NCAA Footbal game and gladly taking some of Corso's pointers. Corso is like my crazy grandmother...sure she has some lapses of judgment, but at the end of the day I will always love her and the quirky way she battles what seems to be dementia.
However, if Corso is the lovable old grandparent of ESPN football coverage, Lou Holtz is the abusive alcoholic grandparent on the other side of the family. He shows up every now again to regale you with stories of the "good ol' days", which serve as reminder of A.) How batshit crazy he really is and B.) How the "good ol' days" were probably not that good at all. Just today on an ESPN feature on their analyst's preseason Top Ten, Holtz staunchly repeated his usual favoritist pick of Notre Dame. Mark May visually strangled his note pages and I think Rece Davis threw up off screen. I can only imagine Holtz' picks for the BCS, thank God Notre Dame can't play itself in every game. Im not sure if Holtz is aware of the fact that an all Notre Dame BCS is not possible. I am also not sure if he knows what year it is, but I am certain that ESPN is aware that the preseason USA Today poll has the Irish outside of the top 25 (29th in votes). Despite this awareness, College Gameday has continued to bring Lou Holtz along for the ride, watching him wear Notre Dame apparel on television, pick the Irish in every matchup, including a recent exhibition against God, and simply stick out his lip and pout when asked why Notre Dame lost. This is not informed TV journalism, this is senility.
The fact is that Lou Holtz, having won the school's last consensus National Title in 1988, is another relic of Notre Dame's storied past. Gone are the days of Irish dominance, and all we are left with is almost a decade of futility (9 consecutive bowl losses). Notre Dame still has a neverending TV contract, and will continue to turn profits from what arguably is "America's College Team". However, the Lou Holtz era of television needs to end. I don't argue that Lou is not a good man, in fact I respect him for the longevity of his career, but as a broadcaster he is the worst possible personality: an old, stubborn, fan. He will encourage hold outs such as Brady Quinn's despite the QB's meltdown in his senior season, as well as ill advised bowl berths such as last years Sugar Bowl 41-14 thumping the claws of the LSU tigers, simply because he was, and maybe still is, one of the faces of Notre Dame Football. So as Lou gears up pick Notre Dame to win this years BCS title, write motivational books and threaten Charlie Weis, I look forward to a season where I will see as little of Lou as possible.
Friday, August 10, 2007
A Daly Affair
Welcome to Southern Hills day 2. Apparently the rough has been very “penal”, but not to my old friend John Daly. Cue the shots of a thinner, mullet bearing Daly, hoisting the PGA trophy in 1991. The sweltering heat seemed to have little effect on the big man, as he cruised to a 3 under 67 fueled only by Diet Coke and cigarettes. “Caffeine plus nicotine equals protein” mused Daly in words that draw comparisons to the Classical Philosophers. Upon visiting his website (Johndaly.com) I am welcomed to the Lion’s Den, my excitement is tangible. Papa Lion is one back with a 3:05 tee time…excuse me while I go shotgun ten beers in the parking lot.
2:50- I am Tiger Woods. Fresh off his Who’s Now victory, Tiger is four back as he starts day 2. There are few times when I ask for a higher power to intervene, however, I am officially asking that John “the Lion” Daly faces of against Tiger in a playoff. Can you imagine John Daly wheezing his way down the fairway with a cig in his mouth or asking Tiger for a light after putting for birdie? This needs to happen immediately.
2:58- The Lion approaches the tee box as Erne Johnson and Bob Clampett await what could be a “wild ride”. You get the feeling they are slightly uneasy about following his round, perhaps it's the drunken Tulsan’s following his every step.
3:02- John Daly has already visited a casino as well as played a practice round (his only one) in shorts and a t-shirt.
3:06- Clampett foreshadows my dream matchup saying that we are about to see the control of Tiger Woods vs. the reckless abandon of John Daly. Cue John Daly taking out the driver on 10, the only player doing so.
3:11- Didn’t make the green but almost caught the cart path. Ernie Johnson can’t stop giggling. He’s like a kid seeing his first Playboy. John Daly has obviously seen many Playboys.
3:17- More controlled precision from Tiger, more recklessness for Daly. Strange thing is they may both make par on their respective holes.
3:18- Nope, Daly misses a par putt, doing just what Bob Clampett feared. At least “Fairway” Fehrety is now giving on course commentary.
3:24- Daly has found the sand on 11, prompting Fehrety to give an “OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH dear.” The faith in the Lion is fading.
3:30- Bogey/Bogey. Ouch.
3:47- First shot of Daly in 20 minutes and it's a good one. Monster drive, followed by a great approach. Nice looking birdie opportunity. But we will settle for par. I really don't think he lines up his shots…but such is reckless abandon.
3:53- How in the hell does TNT keep coming up with the #1 cable series. They seemingly take out of prime actors, insert them in situation you wouldn’t expect and then keep running with it while America can’t seem to get enough. My biggest fear is that Helen Hunt and Jodie Foster are on this track. I will never watch early round coverage again if this is the case.
4:01- 1-800-PETMEDS seems reckless and irresponsible (much like Daly). “Hi this is (insert little old lady name) I need a metric ton of dog tranquilizers.” How do you screen these old people for what meds their pets actually need? Not to mention the off chance that the elderly, bless em, may mix the pet meds with people meds. I await the lawsuit.
4:05- Tiger is like Jack montage…blah blah blah. Lets look a Daly’s major wins. 1991 PGA, and 1995 British. Quality over quantity. Deal with that Tiger.
4:10- Why are we avoiding Daly. Tiger is struggling on his hole, while Daly just put in within 5 ft from the 17th fairway. Interestingly enough, he was on the 13th hole. Missed the birdie try, but that is a great effort.
4:20- Daly at a par three is like Joey Chestnut at a small hot dog stand. There just isn’t enough.
I am currently shutting down the Diary due to unforeseen familial commitments. More to come pending Daly’s round total.
Update: Daly shot 73, 73, 73, to finish the week at plus six, but happily noted that he was constantly followed by Razorback fans, smokers, and drinkers. Fact of the matter is that this guy stirs up what can be an otherwise stagnant PGA. Long live the Lion.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Sport is Life...
This little rant appears as a corollary to my summer of scandals piece. If you don't get the point that is OK, enjoy the humor. Try reading while slightly buzzed, cause that's how I wrote it. I will expand on the idea later.
"Still think you can beat Tiger?" Perhaps not Sabbatini. "Still think you can beat James Burnett?" Perhaps not world. What a week and a half it has been since my last post. So much an odd week that Ive begun to think that my life mirrors that which I see on ESPN. Tour de France ends...French girl I met while on steroids leaves for France (I'm kidding about the steroids). Tiger makes a comeback, perhaps I have as well (not on the steroids, but perhaps in the lady department). I realize how conceited that sounds, so like Bud Selig I will pretend to rescind my "Herculean" comments.
Like Michael Vick I punished my pet this week, minus the electro shock therapy and oxygen deprivation. My cat pissed on my shoes; I didn't let it outside. Fair comparison? I think so, sorry GiGi (my cat).
Barry...you're not the only one chasing/tying records. I may have had more drinks this week than maybe my drunkest week ever. Does this account for my lack of posts...maybe. Does my need to imbibe conflict with my need to cut the grass...YES. If cutting the grass equals Barry Bond's need to fess up, then you might as well call me Jerry Lamar Bonds. Get it? My name starts with a J. And oh yeah, my tolerance is rising faster than Selig's blood pressure. I cant wait for A-Rod to hit 800.
Point is limited reading base (all 10 of you), sport is still important to me. I know my last attempt at writing called out almost every league, and maybe I was on point, considering every sports outlet had their golden boys write similar articles. I am not bitter by the way, just glad I share GREAT IDEAS. Anybody can express anger as two suspicious characters reach milestones. Barry...congrats on 755. A-Rod...500 was overdue. Maybe I cheated on my Bio final in 10th grade. Who hasn't had a questionable take home test? We are all cheaters in some degree, and now we are seeing the fruits of our own indiscretions played out in the hallowed arena of baseball. But that is not all. Who wasn't aware of dog fighting? I watched The Wire and BET (not a shot at the channel just the videos featuring barking/fighting dogs...DMX) along with many other blue blooded Americans. It took Michael Vick for me to get really pissed. How many of the protestors in Atlanta protested dog fighting before Vick may or may not have been caught?
Truth is that we have more questions than answers in the sporting world, as well as the world at large. "Has Barry Bonds tarnished Hank Aaron's record?" asks ESPN. "Have I gained more weight this summer?" asks me. "Are we actually winning the war on terror?" asks Fox News hypothetically. No matter what the answers are, each question affects my life equally. The real question lies in which one matters the most in the metaphysical conundrum which is my existence. I havn't watched the news in some time, but I am fully aware that Brady Quinn is living up to the Notre Dame pretty boy stereotype as he requests more money than any 22nd pick ever. What does this fact say about me? I know Danica Patrick just barely missed her first win on the circuit, but I fail to realize the true implications of an electric vs. gas powered mower. But this is how sport becomes life. I relate more to the heroes of the game than I do with the people who are fighting in the "real" world, whether it be on a battlefield or a courtroom. Perhaps this comes off as preachy, and it probably is in many respects. However...the next time I yell at the TV when Barry Bonds hits a home run (every one past Hank Aaron's 755), I will begin thinking about the influence said homerun has on my being (0%), but really ponder how much I actually take it to heart. As Tiger Wood's becomes the "most now" on a station which seems to value ads more than achievement I think...This is sports...polarizing, angering, identifable, but surely not enough to make me break my new flat screen.
This is more of a ran than a real article...up next "Why Flight of the Conchords is the best show TV and how to improve the sports world in 7 steps."
"Still think you can beat Tiger?" Perhaps not Sabbatini. "Still think you can beat James Burnett?" Perhaps not world. What a week and a half it has been since my last post. So much an odd week that Ive begun to think that my life mirrors that which I see on ESPN. Tour de France ends...French girl I met while on steroids leaves for France (I'm kidding about the steroids). Tiger makes a comeback, perhaps I have as well (not on the steroids, but perhaps in the lady department). I realize how conceited that sounds, so like Bud Selig I will pretend to rescind my "Herculean" comments.
Like Michael Vick I punished my pet this week, minus the electro shock therapy and oxygen deprivation. My cat pissed on my shoes; I didn't let it outside. Fair comparison? I think so, sorry GiGi (my cat).
Barry...you're not the only one chasing/tying records. I may have had more drinks this week than maybe my drunkest week ever. Does this account for my lack of posts...maybe. Does my need to imbibe conflict with my need to cut the grass...YES. If cutting the grass equals Barry Bond's need to fess up, then you might as well call me Jerry Lamar Bonds. Get it? My name starts with a J. And oh yeah, my tolerance is rising faster than Selig's blood pressure. I cant wait for A-Rod to hit 800.
Point is limited reading base (all 10 of you), sport is still important to me. I know my last attempt at writing called out almost every league, and maybe I was on point, considering every sports outlet had their golden boys write similar articles. I am not bitter by the way, just glad I share GREAT IDEAS. Anybody can express anger as two suspicious characters reach milestones. Barry...congrats on 755. A-Rod...500 was overdue. Maybe I cheated on my Bio final in 10th grade. Who hasn't had a questionable take home test? We are all cheaters in some degree, and now we are seeing the fruits of our own indiscretions played out in the hallowed arena of baseball. But that is not all. Who wasn't aware of dog fighting? I watched The Wire and BET (not a shot at the channel just the videos featuring barking/fighting dogs...DMX) along with many other blue blooded Americans. It took Michael Vick for me to get really pissed. How many of the protestors in Atlanta protested dog fighting before Vick may or may not have been caught?
Truth is that we have more questions than answers in the sporting world, as well as the world at large. "Has Barry Bonds tarnished Hank Aaron's record?" asks ESPN. "Have I gained more weight this summer?" asks me. "Are we actually winning the war on terror?" asks Fox News hypothetically. No matter what the answers are, each question affects my life equally. The real question lies in which one matters the most in the metaphysical conundrum which is my existence. I havn't watched the news in some time, but I am fully aware that Brady Quinn is living up to the Notre Dame pretty boy stereotype as he requests more money than any 22nd pick ever. What does this fact say about me? I know Danica Patrick just barely missed her first win on the circuit, but I fail to realize the true implications of an electric vs. gas powered mower. But this is how sport becomes life. I relate more to the heroes of the game than I do with the people who are fighting in the "real" world, whether it be on a battlefield or a courtroom. Perhaps this comes off as preachy, and it probably is in many respects. However...the next time I yell at the TV when Barry Bonds hits a home run (every one past Hank Aaron's 755), I will begin thinking about the influence said homerun has on my being (0%), but really ponder how much I actually take it to heart. As Tiger Wood's becomes the "most now" on a station which seems to value ads more than achievement I think...This is sports...polarizing, angering, identifable, but surely not enough to make me break my new flat screen.
This is more of a ran than a real article...up next "Why Flight of the Conchords is the best show TV and how to improve the sports world in 7 steps."
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Summer Love...Scandalmakers Final Four
Summer of Scandals
Oh summer. Golden flowers, green grass, blue skies, cool water, and sports scandals. Maybe its the heat and humidity, but right now the sports scene in America looks more like the Thunderdome, "Two men enter, one man leaves". It’s a battle of scandals: steroids v. gambling v. crime in general v. a slew of wild cards. Welcome to the Summer of Scandals. As a sports fan I have been frustrated, wowed, and disappointed in this summer's offerings, and with the summer coming to a close, I find it appropriate to seed the Final Four as we prepare for upcoming seasons and playoffs. Who will be the winner (loser)? Let’s look at the tale of the tape.
#1 seed- The NBA. As if Yi's decision not to play in Milwaukee was not enough, it is coupled with a futile end to the playoffs (which included the horrifying Suns/Spurs series), players complaining as if it was there job (it actually may be Kobe Bryant's), unfulfilled trade rumors, Zach Randolph playing in New York, and oh yeah...GAMBLING BY REFS. This is a # 1 seed like Wooden's UCLA. Strong top to bottom and the NBA is looking very bottom heavy. First of all, I believe I speak for a nation of fans when I say I am tired of the flip flopping players complaining about their million dollar jobs. Is Kobe happy? is he leaving?....oh wait he makes millions playing a game he supposedly loves. Every league has annoying, whiny players, but how about playoffs where the two best teams play each other before the finals (Suns/Spurs). The Cavs were entertaining until everyone realized they were like Coach Bombay's Mighty Ducks playing Iceland for the first time, good story, but extremely outmatched. And then there is the gambling. So long Vegas All Star Weekend and any steps towards a Vegas NBA Franchise, hello scrutiny. The NBA's star player right now is Tim Donaghy, who is accused of betting on, and possibly fixing, games. Whoops, guess that slipped through the cracks of Sterns CIA, FBI, Homeland Security, and Nevada Gambling Commission connections. Did I mention this guy reffed game 3 of the aforementioned Suns/Spurs series, that he may have had a gambling problem, may have assaulted a neighbor, and was once pulled from the second round of the playoffs (2005)? Between long sighs and assertions that Donaghy was a rogue ref, Stern was able to state that this was an act of betrayal, and the worst situation he has experienced as a fan and as a comish. Yeah...it’s that bad. As a reborn NBA fan, I suddenly want to crawl back into the womb. This investigation will hopefully lead to a new NBA, a better system of evaluating refs, and therefore better reffing in general. The Charles Barkley seal of approval if one guy "Just lost his damned mind" wouldn't seem so bad. Worst case scenario, this is not an isolated incident and the NBA's system has failed. This is not a forgone conclusion, but I'm pretty suspicious. Worst summer for the league ever. Oh yeah, and Stephen Jackson FIRED A GUN outside of a night club. WOW.
#2 seed- The NFL. I live in Louisville, Ky, about an hour and a half from Cincinnati. Louisville is not a city known for gangs, but Cincinnati has one you may be familiar with: The Bengals. The 10 in season arrests of individuals such as Chris Henry, left a bad taste in the mouth of Bungle's nation and started a roller coaster ride of an off season. Queue the Pacman summer precursor as he "made it rain" in Vegas, during the NBA's All Star break no less. Pacman's summer has been filled with fun and excitement. Full season suspension. Check. Retracted Appeal. Check. Pulled over in an orange Italian sports car on which he had changed the plates. Check. Yet Pacman still has a contract and may come to training camp in the "zero tolerance" summer. Tank Johnson has not been as lucky (or unlucky...its a fine line). Gun possession prior to the Super Bowl, and a summer DUI stop, of which he was later acquitted, that led to his release from the Bears. Tank stands a good chance of being picked up as a free agent, despite an 8 game suspension. You have a better chance of seeing these players in a lineup than on a sideline. The NFL obviously has character issues, but players such as Pacman, Tank, and the Bungles starting offense, are characters, not stars. It’s not like a prominent star has been indicted for dog fighting right? Oh wait, Michael Vick just did. That's right, almost forgot about the quarterback of the future who has a better chance now of starring in a real life "The Longest Yard" than wearing a Falcons uniform. Everyone has heard about his connections to dog fighting, the pushed back release date of his Nike shoes, his possible leave of absence from the Falcons, and now the NFL's decision to keep him out of training camp which would have been a slap on the wrist if Arthur Blank had not asked for an execution/ 4 game suspension. However, thanks to the NBA playing spoiler, Roger Goodell no longer has to deal with the scrutiny which the NBA will receive over the next few weeks...months...years. There really needs to be a reality show following players such as Pacman, Tank, and Vick. We got an HBO show on the Kansas City Chiefs, why not an "OZ" styled show about the Bengals? The NFL is not in the clear, but hey, at least it’s not the NBA.
3 seed- Major League Baseball. Almost didn't make the Final Four due to a clean up act and a fan base's collective benefit of the doubt. However, this is still the steroid era. Perhaps the biggest story has been Bud Selig's non committal attitude as to whether he will attend Barry Bond's record breaking home run game. Sorry Bud, you can pretend it won't happen, but there is no quick fix like you found for the All Star game tie. The shadow of steroids will be cast longer than ever after Barroid breaks Aaron's record, and as we learned from Palmeiro, we can never rule out the possibility of steroid use, no matter what a player says. Jason Giambi also stepped in this summer, doing his best impression of Peyton Manning in the United Way SNL spoof. "Im not saying Id kill a snitch, Im not saying I havn't. You know what I mean." But such is Baseball right now. As long as no one steps forward, we will all be suspicious, but we will never prove a thing, and with Congress pushing back its investigatory timeline, no end is in site. Hence the three seed. In the MLB we have a steady performer, no big scandals to recruit, just a committed senior scandalmaker who is going to stay around for four years, make some runs at the finals, but never see the finish line. Some role players on the MLB scandal squad are F-Rod and his apparent penchant for "she-male, muscular type strippers" (hilarious), Dice-Pay (50 million just to speak through a translator), and a much scrutinized home run derby (look it up on ESPN.com). To me baseball is clean pending a urine test that we can't yet force upon them. Their scandal potential is very high, and I'm sure Bud Selig will be hearing from David Stern in the near future.
4 seed- The Field. This summer has also seen a number of smaller scandals. Most prominent was Gary Player's accusations of steroids in golf. Like most, my reaction was "Why?" I don't see the benefits of hitting the ball over the green, nor do any golfers look freakishly large. Case in point: John Daly. This guy can hit the "long ball" with the best of them, fueled only by Jim Beam, hooters wings and Marlboro Reds. J-Days body type obviously doesn't match Tiger's, but would you consider the face of 84 lumber to be on the same level athletically. Also, Sergio blew the British Open, boosting Guinness sales and destroying his confidence.
In Indy Racing, Danica Patrick hit a guy, some guys dad hit a guy, and Indy used the battles as marketing ploys. Smart...kindve. Scandalous...hardly. Mixed with the Earnhardt Jr. fallout with his deceased father's DEI, auto racing in general has tried to develop an edge with the mainstream media that was once only known among its extremely grassroots following. I currently don't want to mess with Tony Stewart, but for reasons much different than why I don't want to mess with Pacman Jones.
Other notable field players. Cycling's odd steroid stories (I'm looking at you Floyd Landis). Boxing is still boxing and will always be slightly terrifying. In competitive eating the Joey Chesnut vs. Kobayashi rivalry has heated up, which is not so much scandal as it, is weird in a summer that has defied conventions.
The ultimate summer loser has got to be the NBA. No upsets here. This gambling scandal is huge, and as David Stern "kindve" welcomes the FBI's investigation, so do I "kindve" welcome the upcoming season. What a strange summer.
This summer’s winner has got to be the MLS. As other Major Leagues try to out-implode each other, the MLS has started recruiting from the ranks of Europe. Say hello to David Beckham. Millions did for his Galaxy debut in LA. Red carpets, movie stars, models, Drew Carey. You name 'em, they probably watched. This couldn't have come at a better time. With the NBA scaring its fans off, the NFL having fans actually scared of their players, and MLB having fans who are scared all the allegations may be true, the MLS stands to directly benefit. The MLS is a clean league, no steroids, a relatively low amount of overpaid stars, a big enough fan base to profit every year, a grassroots following of the game, and a low enough profile to avoid dangerous gambling interest. Scandals are low, and with the advent of Beckham mania, potential for growth is high. The MLS is the college going, army enlisted, Michael Corleone of the first "Godfather" film. They are making money without entering the mainstream, avoiding scandal, and enjoying a prosperous and safe life. Here's hoping, that unlike Michael, the MLS stays in school and avoids its gambling, crime faring brothers. I give the the MLS a 1 seed in the NIT (Not In Trouble) tournament. As for the NHL...sorry guys, no berth this year. Maybe in Canada.
Oh summer. Golden flowers, green grass, blue skies, cool water, and sports scandals. Maybe its the heat and humidity, but right now the sports scene in America looks more like the Thunderdome, "Two men enter, one man leaves". It’s a battle of scandals: steroids v. gambling v. crime in general v. a slew of wild cards. Welcome to the Summer of Scandals. As a sports fan I have been frustrated, wowed, and disappointed in this summer's offerings, and with the summer coming to a close, I find it appropriate to seed the Final Four as we prepare for upcoming seasons and playoffs. Who will be the winner (loser)? Let’s look at the tale of the tape.
#1 seed- The NBA. As if Yi's decision not to play in Milwaukee was not enough, it is coupled with a futile end to the playoffs (which included the horrifying Suns/Spurs series), players complaining as if it was there job (it actually may be Kobe Bryant's), unfulfilled trade rumors, Zach Randolph playing in New York, and oh yeah...GAMBLING BY REFS. This is a # 1 seed like Wooden's UCLA. Strong top to bottom and the NBA is looking very bottom heavy. First of all, I believe I speak for a nation of fans when I say I am tired of the flip flopping players complaining about their million dollar jobs. Is Kobe happy? is he leaving?....oh wait he makes millions playing a game he supposedly loves. Every league has annoying, whiny players, but how about playoffs where the two best teams play each other before the finals (Suns/Spurs). The Cavs were entertaining until everyone realized they were like Coach Bombay's Mighty Ducks playing Iceland for the first time, good story, but extremely outmatched. And then there is the gambling. So long Vegas All Star Weekend and any steps towards a Vegas NBA Franchise, hello scrutiny. The NBA's star player right now is Tim Donaghy, who is accused of betting on, and possibly fixing, games. Whoops, guess that slipped through the cracks of Sterns CIA, FBI, Homeland Security, and Nevada Gambling Commission connections. Did I mention this guy reffed game 3 of the aforementioned Suns/Spurs series, that he may have had a gambling problem, may have assaulted a neighbor, and was once pulled from the second round of the playoffs (2005)? Between long sighs and assertions that Donaghy was a rogue ref, Stern was able to state that this was an act of betrayal, and the worst situation he has experienced as a fan and as a comish. Yeah...it’s that bad. As a reborn NBA fan, I suddenly want to crawl back into the womb. This investigation will hopefully lead to a new NBA, a better system of evaluating refs, and therefore better reffing in general. The Charles Barkley seal of approval if one guy "Just lost his damned mind" wouldn't seem so bad. Worst case scenario, this is not an isolated incident and the NBA's system has failed. This is not a forgone conclusion, but I'm pretty suspicious. Worst summer for the league ever. Oh yeah, and Stephen Jackson FIRED A GUN outside of a night club. WOW.
#2 seed- The NFL. I live in Louisville, Ky, about an hour and a half from Cincinnati. Louisville is not a city known for gangs, but Cincinnati has one you may be familiar with: The Bengals. The 10 in season arrests of individuals such as Chris Henry, left a bad taste in the mouth of Bungle's nation and started a roller coaster ride of an off season. Queue the Pacman summer precursor as he "made it rain" in Vegas, during the NBA's All Star break no less. Pacman's summer has been filled with fun and excitement. Full season suspension. Check. Retracted Appeal. Check. Pulled over in an orange Italian sports car on which he had changed the plates. Check. Yet Pacman still has a contract and may come to training camp in the "zero tolerance" summer. Tank Johnson has not been as lucky (or unlucky...its a fine line). Gun possession prior to the Super Bowl, and a summer DUI stop, of which he was later acquitted, that led to his release from the Bears. Tank stands a good chance of being picked up as a free agent, despite an 8 game suspension. You have a better chance of seeing these players in a lineup than on a sideline. The NFL obviously has character issues, but players such as Pacman, Tank, and the Bungles starting offense, are characters, not stars. It’s not like a prominent star has been indicted for dog fighting right? Oh wait, Michael Vick just did. That's right, almost forgot about the quarterback of the future who has a better chance now of starring in a real life "The Longest Yard" than wearing a Falcons uniform. Everyone has heard about his connections to dog fighting, the pushed back release date of his Nike shoes, his possible leave of absence from the Falcons, and now the NFL's decision to keep him out of training camp which would have been a slap on the wrist if Arthur Blank had not asked for an execution/ 4 game suspension. However, thanks to the NBA playing spoiler, Roger Goodell no longer has to deal with the scrutiny which the NBA will receive over the next few weeks...months...years. There really needs to be a reality show following players such as Pacman, Tank, and Vick. We got an HBO show on the Kansas City Chiefs, why not an "OZ" styled show about the Bengals? The NFL is not in the clear, but hey, at least it’s not the NBA.
3 seed- Major League Baseball. Almost didn't make the Final Four due to a clean up act and a fan base's collective benefit of the doubt. However, this is still the steroid era. Perhaps the biggest story has been Bud Selig's non committal attitude as to whether he will attend Barry Bond's record breaking home run game. Sorry Bud, you can pretend it won't happen, but there is no quick fix like you found for the All Star game tie. The shadow of steroids will be cast longer than ever after Barroid breaks Aaron's record, and as we learned from Palmeiro, we can never rule out the possibility of steroid use, no matter what a player says. Jason Giambi also stepped in this summer, doing his best impression of Peyton Manning in the United Way SNL spoof. "Im not saying Id kill a snitch, Im not saying I havn't. You know what I mean." But such is Baseball right now. As long as no one steps forward, we will all be suspicious, but we will never prove a thing, and with Congress pushing back its investigatory timeline, no end is in site. Hence the three seed. In the MLB we have a steady performer, no big scandals to recruit, just a committed senior scandalmaker who is going to stay around for four years, make some runs at the finals, but never see the finish line. Some role players on the MLB scandal squad are F-Rod and his apparent penchant for "she-male, muscular type strippers" (hilarious), Dice-Pay (50 million just to speak through a translator), and a much scrutinized home run derby (look it up on ESPN.com). To me baseball is clean pending a urine test that we can't yet force upon them. Their scandal potential is very high, and I'm sure Bud Selig will be hearing from David Stern in the near future.
4 seed- The Field. This summer has also seen a number of smaller scandals. Most prominent was Gary Player's accusations of steroids in golf. Like most, my reaction was "Why?" I don't see the benefits of hitting the ball over the green, nor do any golfers look freakishly large. Case in point: John Daly. This guy can hit the "long ball" with the best of them, fueled only by Jim Beam, hooters wings and Marlboro Reds. J-Days body type obviously doesn't match Tiger's, but would you consider the face of 84 lumber to be on the same level athletically. Also, Sergio blew the British Open, boosting Guinness sales and destroying his confidence.
In Indy Racing, Danica Patrick hit a guy, some guys dad hit a guy, and Indy used the battles as marketing ploys. Smart...kindve. Scandalous...hardly. Mixed with the Earnhardt Jr. fallout with his deceased father's DEI, auto racing in general has tried to develop an edge with the mainstream media that was once only known among its extremely grassroots following. I currently don't want to mess with Tony Stewart, but for reasons much different than why I don't want to mess with Pacman Jones.
Other notable field players. Cycling's odd steroid stories (I'm looking at you Floyd Landis). Boxing is still boxing and will always be slightly terrifying. In competitive eating the Joey Chesnut vs. Kobayashi rivalry has heated up, which is not so much scandal as it, is weird in a summer that has defied conventions.
The ultimate summer loser has got to be the NBA. No upsets here. This gambling scandal is huge, and as David Stern "kindve" welcomes the FBI's investigation, so do I "kindve" welcome the upcoming season. What a strange summer.
This summer’s winner has got to be the MLS. As other Major Leagues try to out-implode each other, the MLS has started recruiting from the ranks of Europe. Say hello to David Beckham. Millions did for his Galaxy debut in LA. Red carpets, movie stars, models, Drew Carey. You name 'em, they probably watched. This couldn't have come at a better time. With the NBA scaring its fans off, the NFL having fans actually scared of their players, and MLB having fans who are scared all the allegations may be true, the MLS stands to directly benefit. The MLS is a clean league, no steroids, a relatively low amount of overpaid stars, a big enough fan base to profit every year, a grassroots following of the game, and a low enough profile to avoid dangerous gambling interest. Scandals are low, and with the advent of Beckham mania, potential for growth is high. The MLS is the college going, army enlisted, Michael Corleone of the first "Godfather" film. They are making money without entering the mainstream, avoiding scandal, and enjoying a prosperous and safe life. Here's hoping, that unlike Michael, the MLS stays in school and avoids its gambling, crime faring brothers. I give the the MLS a 1 seed in the NIT (Not In Trouble) tournament. As for the NHL...sorry guys, no berth this year. Maybe in Canada.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Van De Who?
Jean Van De Velde should send Padraig Harrington a long thank you note. "Dearest Padraig, thank you for not only hitting the Berne once, but managing to touchdown in the glorified creek a second time. Seriously...Merci!" With the pressure off Van de Velde, the pressure immediately shifted to Sergio Garcia. Whoops...hit the iron short. Dos Whoops...in the sand. Tres Whoops...missed a short, relatively light breaking put. Such is the British Open, and this is why I love it. No matter what happens, drama will occur in some form, whether its Nicklaus being cheered at every hole, Van de Who? doing his best impression of The Jerk, or two golfers handing the title back and forth to each other, as if to say "No...you take it." Now we head into a playoff, guaranteed to have a European winner, and certain that every Irishman watching Harrington has a bar tab riding on his performance.
The playoff will consist of a congregate score from holes 1, 16, 17, and 18. Can we have a playoff from a playoff? I hope so.
1:46- Both players have opted to put the driver away, took them long enough. Harrington has got to be thinking about the possible 10 minute pieces he will be seeing next year. By the way, Harrington is in fact related to Joey Harrington. It would appear that the apple does not fall to far from the tree in that family, here's hoping that Joey sees a playoff game before the age of 50.
1:50- Garcia is short again and in the bunker. First Harry Potter book sighting as Harrington pulls a gigantic Happy Gilmore..."Somebody's ridiculously closer".
1:55- Sergio +1, Harrington -1. Guinness stock just jumped another 10 points.
1:59- Sergio just hit the pin. I wonder if Jim Rome still "doesn't get" the British Open. "Hungry Like the Wolf" is playing as we head to commercial. Nothing says British Open like Duran Duran.
2:02- Shot of the Ryder Cup team. This is why we don't win Ryder Cups. If Tiger Woods is in a playoff, Mickelson is already downing scotch and betting red in roulette. If Mickelson is in a playoff, momentum has already shifted to his opponent. Scores remain the same, as Sergio two putts and Padraig confidently makes par after missing the green.
2:07- Second Harry Potter reference, i think they were handing the book out at the gates. Sergio looks tense, like his chance has already passed. Padraig, however, seems relaxed, continuing to hit smart shots. Rolling Stones to commercial...I was hoping for Wham!
2:13- Harrington puts it within 5 feet. Sergio continues to look like he has food poisoning. And a collective "OOOOHHHH" (or ewwwwww) from the crowd erupts as he hit a safe lay up shot to the front of the green. This reminds me of the Titelist commercials with Kenny Mayne..."Man up Ladybug and go for it" I love that guy.
2:17- Sergio from 18 feet....almost. Still looks sick while saying to himself "That's it". Harrington for Birdie....wow missed it left. A fan in the background yelled "Driver". I wonder if he will listen.
2:20- Que Harrington's 18th. Splash! Splash! The caddy is discussing how to play the hole, I assume he is saying "Leave the driver in the bag".
2:22- PH goes with the hybrid and leaves it short. And Sergio takes out the driver in what appears to a be a "Gods be Damned" move...oh dear...rough. A collective sigh of relief from the announcers as for once a driver doesn't land in the creek.
2:26- Segway cameras are hilarious...I want Gob Bluth to role up to Sergio and yell "Come ON!"
2:29- ITS ON THE GREEN. Sergio just saved shot from the rough. All shots are "golf shots" and we are informed that was a "GOLF SHOT". Thanks announcing booth.
2:32- Sergio gets a free a read from Padraig. "Seriously...you can have it."
2:35- Rims it out on a strangely similar put. "I don't want to win...really". Sits down with a 4, as Harrington has a shot to win. Every Guinness in Ireland is raised. Pending a make i know where I'm investing.
2:37- Winner. Sergio just cant seem to get it done. Oh well, plenty more tournaments to lose and leads to squander. This was a great week of golf no matter which way you take it. The British Open has yet again proved to be one of the most entertaining sports events in my opinion. Carnoustie again proves to be a monster of a course. Suck it Jim Rome.
The playoff will consist of a congregate score from holes 1, 16, 17, and 18. Can we have a playoff from a playoff? I hope so.
1:46- Both players have opted to put the driver away, took them long enough. Harrington has got to be thinking about the possible 10 minute pieces he will be seeing next year. By the way, Harrington is in fact related to Joey Harrington. It would appear that the apple does not fall to far from the tree in that family, here's hoping that Joey sees a playoff game before the age of 50.
1:50- Garcia is short again and in the bunker. First Harry Potter book sighting as Harrington pulls a gigantic Happy Gilmore..."Somebody's ridiculously closer".
1:55- Sergio +1, Harrington -1. Guinness stock just jumped another 10 points.
1:59- Sergio just hit the pin. I wonder if Jim Rome still "doesn't get" the British Open. "Hungry Like the Wolf" is playing as we head to commercial. Nothing says British Open like Duran Duran.
2:02- Shot of the Ryder Cup team. This is why we don't win Ryder Cups. If Tiger Woods is in a playoff, Mickelson is already downing scotch and betting red in roulette. If Mickelson is in a playoff, momentum has already shifted to his opponent. Scores remain the same, as Sergio two putts and Padraig confidently makes par after missing the green.
2:07- Second Harry Potter reference, i think they were handing the book out at the gates. Sergio looks tense, like his chance has already passed. Padraig, however, seems relaxed, continuing to hit smart shots. Rolling Stones to commercial...I was hoping for Wham!
2:13- Harrington puts it within 5 feet. Sergio continues to look like he has food poisoning. And a collective "OOOOHHHH" (or ewwwwww) from the crowd erupts as he hit a safe lay up shot to the front of the green. This reminds me of the Titelist commercials with Kenny Mayne..."Man up Ladybug and go for it" I love that guy.
2:17- Sergio from 18 feet....almost. Still looks sick while saying to himself "That's it". Harrington for Birdie....wow missed it left. A fan in the background yelled "Driver". I wonder if he will listen.
2:20- Que Harrington's 18th. Splash! Splash! The caddy is discussing how to play the hole, I assume he is saying "Leave the driver in the bag".
2:22- PH goes with the hybrid and leaves it short. And Sergio takes out the driver in what appears to a be a "Gods be Damned" move...oh dear...rough. A collective sigh of relief from the announcers as for once a driver doesn't land in the creek.
2:26- Segway cameras are hilarious...I want Gob Bluth to role up to Sergio and yell "Come ON!"
2:29- ITS ON THE GREEN. Sergio just saved shot from the rough. All shots are "golf shots" and we are informed that was a "GOLF SHOT". Thanks announcing booth.
2:32- Sergio gets a free a read from Padraig. "Seriously...you can have it."
2:35- Rims it out on a strangely similar put. "I don't want to win...really". Sits down with a 4, as Harrington has a shot to win. Every Guinness in Ireland is raised. Pending a make i know where I'm investing.
2:37- Winner. Sergio just cant seem to get it done. Oh well, plenty more tournaments to lose and leads to squander. This was a great week of golf no matter which way you take it. The British Open has yet again proved to be one of the most entertaining sports events in my opinion. Carnoustie again proves to be a monster of a course. Suck it Jim Rome.
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