A Daly Affair

Welcome to Southern Hills day 2. Apparently the rough has been very “penal”, but not to my old friend John Daly. Cue the shots of a thinner, mullet bearing Daly, hoisting the PGA trophy in 1991. The sweltering heat seemed to have little effect on the big man, as he cruised to a 3 under 67 fueled only by Diet Coke and cigarettes. “Caffeine plus nicotine equals protein” mused Daly in words that draw comparisons to the Classical Philosophers. Upon visiting his website (Johndaly.com) I am welcomed to the Lion’s Den, my excitement is tangible. Papa Lion is one back with a 3:05 tee time…excuse me while I go shotgun ten beers in the parking lot.

2:50- I am Tiger Woods. Fresh off his Who’s Now victory, Tiger is four back as he starts day 2. There are few times when I ask for a higher power to intervene, however, I am officially asking that John “the Lion” Daly faces of against Tiger in a playoff. Can you imagine John Daly wheezing his way down the fairway with a cig in his mouth or asking Tiger for a light after putting for birdie? This needs to happen immediately.

2:58- The Lion approaches the tee box as Erne Johnson and Bob Clampett await what could be a “wild ride”. You get the feeling they are slightly uneasy about following his round, perhaps it's the drunken Tulsan’s following his every step.

3:02- John Daly has already visited a casino as well as played a practice round (his only one) in shorts and a t-shirt.

3:06- Clampett foreshadows my dream matchup saying that we are about to see the control of Tiger Woods vs. the reckless abandon of John Daly. Cue John Daly taking out the driver on 10, the only player doing so.

3:11- Didn’t make the green but almost caught the cart path. Ernie Johnson can’t stop giggling. He’s like a kid seeing his first Playboy. John Daly has obviously seen many Playboys.

3:17- More controlled precision from Tiger, more recklessness for Daly. Strange thing is they may both make par on their respective holes.

3:18- Nope, Daly misses a par putt, doing just what Bob Clampett feared. At least “Fairway” Fehrety is now giving on course commentary.

3:24- Daly has found the sand on 11, prompting Fehrety to give an “OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH dear.” The faith in the Lion is fading.

3:30- Bogey/Bogey. Ouch.

3:47- First shot of Daly in 20 minutes and it's a good one. Monster drive, followed by a great approach. Nice looking birdie opportunity. But we will settle for par. I really don't think he lines up his shots…but such is reckless abandon.

3:53- How in the hell does TNT keep coming up with the #1 cable series. They seemingly take out of prime actors, insert them in situation you wouldn’t expect and then keep running with it while America can’t seem to get enough. My biggest fear is that Helen Hunt and Jodie Foster are on this track. I will never watch early round coverage again if this is the case.

4:01- 1-800-PETMEDS seems reckless and irresponsible (much like Daly). “Hi this is (insert little old lady name) I need a metric ton of dog tranquilizers.” How do you screen these old people for what meds their pets actually need? Not to mention the off chance that the elderly, bless em, may mix the pet meds with people meds. I await the lawsuit.

4:05- Tiger is like Jack montage…blah blah blah. Lets look a Daly’s major wins. 1991 PGA, and 1995 British. Quality over quantity. Deal with that Tiger.

4:10- Why are we avoiding Daly. Tiger is struggling on his hole, while Daly just put in within 5 ft from the 17th fairway. Interestingly enough, he was on the 13th hole. Missed the birdie try, but that is a great effort.

4:20- Daly at a par three is like Joey Chestnut at a small hot dog stand. There just isn’t enough.

I am currently shutting down the Diary due to unforeseen familial commitments. More to come pending Daly’s round total.

Update: Daly shot 73, 73, 73, to finish the week at plus six, but happily noted that he was constantly followed by Razorback fans, smokers, and drinkers. Fact of the matter is that this guy stirs up what can be an otherwise stagnant PGA. Long live the Lion.